


Lost and Found

by bilgegungoren00



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, at least in the second part, i PROMISE it'll have a happy ending, post 2x22, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-14 10:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11206320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: He typed in a bunch of codes to scan for the signal from Mon-El’s pod once more, nibbling with his bottom lip while he waited…No signal detected.Or, in which Winn loses the signal from Mon-El's pod.





	1. no signal detected

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all!
> 
> Okay, seriously, I don't know how I'm writing these so FAST, but the ideas come to my mind so rapidly, and I have too much free time, that I just. can't. help. it. 
> 
> Anyway, one note before you read this fic: In the season finale it seemed like Mon-El's pod was sucked into a portal immediately after he left Earth, but for the purposes of this story let's just assume it took longer than that, okay? Okay. 
> 
> Also, this was requested by @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain, who apparently enjoys to torture me with angsty ideas and then makes me write them (granted, I was the one that couldn't help myself, but still). But other than that, thanks for this prompt, and I love youuuuuu :)
> 
> Now that we've gotten those out of the way, I hope you enjoy this!

Winn watched Eliza as she sucked the serum she’d created into a syringe—the serum that was supposed to contain a cure for Mon-El’s lead energy. And Winn was saying _supposed to_ , because the woman had been working on a cure for about two weeks now, coming up with three different serums…yet none of them had worked. She’d figured out soon enough that the reason lead was poisonous to Daxamites was because it attacked and destroyed their body cells at a faster rate than their immune system could destroy the lead—even with the yellow sun and all. And, she’d also said, the cure for it would either have to increase the rate their immune system destroyed the lead molecules, or destroy them itself.

Yet for now, she hadn’t managed to successfully do either of those.

“Is the machine ready?” Winn slipped away from his thoughts with Eliza’s question and nodded, patting on the device sitting on the table next to him.

“Yep. It’s all up and running,” he said, turning to it, willing with his eyes for the serum to work this time. For the simulation of it—since they didn’t actually have any Daxamite around that they could test the cure on they had to rely on simulations—to show good results. To… To say that the cure worked, that it would allow Mon-El to survive on earth even with the lead in the atmosphere. He knew it was a long shot, and it would probably be more trials and errors before they found a cure— _if_ there was even a cure—he just hoped that it happened sooner rather than later. He did not want Mon-El to be up there in space, all alone, longer than was absolutely necessary. The sooner they found the cure, the sooner he’d be able to contact Mon-El’s pod and tell him that he could come back. That he could have his home back.

That was all Winn wanted for his best friend. But he’d also be lying if he said it was just about Mon-El being home again. Winn had missed him too. In the two weeks Mon-El was gone he’d missed his best friend. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d gotten used to having the Daxamite around almost all the time, talking to him about TV shows or movies he _had to_ watch, or going so far as to bring him the DVDs himself. He remembered how Mon-El had been like when he watched the first Star Wars movie: He’d showed up at Winn’s house with the DVD box, at around 7 p.m., demanding that they “binge-watch” the rest of the series, and no, he could _not_ wait another couple of days until Winn had a day off from the DEO. Though, if Winn recalled correctly, he’d completely misspelled binge-watching, so much so that it took a couple of seconds for him to understand what the Daxamite was actually talking about.

The memory once would’ve made him smile—he’d probably even joke about how Mon-El always failed to spell words correctly, confusing everyone around him except Kara, who seemed to always know what he was talking about. Now they just made his chest tighten as he realized Mon-El would never misspell words again—he wouldn’t even _be_ on earth to learn new words. He would be far, far away on some planet with another race of aliens, maybe misspelling _their_ words. Or maybe he wouldn’t, and he only kept messing them up here because it always made Kara smile as she corrected him.

Winn wondered if he’d ever get the chance to ask Mon-El that. And he hoped, with all his heart, that he would, because he was already starting to feel the emptiness in his life with him gone, and he did not want to think he’d have to carry that hole until his death.

He also didn’t want to think about how _Kara_ was handling Mon-El’s loss, if it weighed on _him_ way too heavily. There was no doubt how much she loved him, and how much time she spent with him. It would break anyone to lose such a big part of one’s life.

“Let’s get this running then,” Eliza said, all professional, as she placed the syringe inside the machine. It would analyze its contents and simulate what would happen if it was injected into a Daxamite’s body—into Mon-El’s body.

Winn hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until he needed to let go of it, and pressed a button on his tablet to start the simulation. Both him and Eliza turned to the screen expectantly, both of them praying that it worked. Winn glanced at Eliza, seeing a frown appearing on her face. The only indication that she was worried, that she was _tense_ , and this was more than just work to her. This was her daughter’s boyfriend, not just _anyone_.

Both Winn and Eliza were so focused on the tablet, impatiently waiting for the simulation to finish, that when a loud alarm started ringing they both jumped. “Winn?” Eliza asked, looking at the IT specialist with concern filling her voice. Winn furrowed his brows, trying to calm his racing heart.

“I’m sorry!” he yelled, closing the simulation briefly to see what the _hell_ was going on that would cause the tablet to give that kind of an alarm. “That was _not_ planned. Something must’ve…” His voice trailed off when he found out what was happening. And a part of him wanted to hit himself in the head for not realizing it sooner, since there was only _one_ reason his tablet would ring such a loud alarm. There was only one reason why he’d set such a loud alarm: So that he would…so that he would know if anything happened to _him_. If anything happened to Mon-El’s pod.

“No,” he whispered, staring at his tablet for a couple of seconds before shaking his head. “No, no, no, it’s impossible. That’s impossible.” He almost threw the tablet into Eliza’s hands, not wanting to believe what was written on it before making sure it wasn’t a glitch, and ran out of the room. He could hear Eliza calling for him and asking what was going on yet he couldn’t listen. He couldn’t focus on anything but what he’d seen.

It couldn’t be true.

He rushed to his computer, almost feeling his heart plummet in his chest when he saw a huge, red warning sign on it too. Similar to what had been on his tablet. He pressed his lips together, not wanting to jump into conclusions immediately before he pulled his keyboard, his fingers already typing before he even had time to think. It still took him longer to open the computer than on a normal day because of the shakiness in his hands. Still, it almost felt like the screen popped up way too quickly.

The program he used to track Mon-El’s pod. Well, he _had_ used, since right now… Right now there was _no pod_ to track. It was gone. The signal was gone. Winn shook his head fervently.

“No, no, no. You can’t be gone. Come on.” He typed in a bunch of codes to scan for the signal from Mon-El’s pod once more, nibbling with his bottom lip while he waited…

_No signal detected._

Winn froze in front of the computer the moment those words popped up, his hands resting on the table, just staring at the screen. Reading the words over and over again. His mind had a hard time processing them, _accepting_ them, yet…yet it seemed like his body had gotten it covered, because he was pretty sure his knees would’ve buckled if it wasn’t for his arms supporting himself with the table. He shook his head again, as if just _denying_ what had happened to Mon-El’s pod—to _Mon-El_ —would somehow…somehow make it not real.

It was gone. The pod was gone. Poof. Disappeared into thin air. And… And Winn knew there were only a couple of things that could cause that, and none of them were pleasant. None of them meant anything good. If the pod had landed on some planet, even if Mon-El had shut it down it should’ve signaled that it had landed. If it was still floating in space, no matter how far away, they should be able to get the signal. But… But the signal disappearing? It could only mean that something had happened to the pod, something strong enough to shut its systems down. And since Mon-El still hadn’t landed when that happened…

The pod was gone, and there was a good chance that it took Mon-El with it.

“Winn?” Winn could hear someone calling for him, someone approaching him from behind, yet he couldn’t turn around. He couldn’t turn away from the computer, for the small chance that…that somehow the signal would be detected again, the computer would locate Mon-El’s pod again and he’d miss it. He couldn’t miss it. If there was even a chance of finding his best friend he had to. Not just for himself, not just for Mon-El, but…but for Kara too. It would crush Kara to know her attempts at saving Mon-El had failed. She’d blame herself for his death, for she was the one that released the lead into the atmosphere and forced him to leave earth. And Winn did not want her to go through that.

“What’s going on?” Alex stopped next to Winn, looking at the computer, and even though he hadn’t turned to her Winn could feel her confusion. He didn’t even bother straightening up.

“It’s gone,” he whispered, his voice shaking with unshed tears. “He’s… _gone_.” He saw Alex lean forward to look at his face from the corner of his eyes, her brows arched.

“Winn, what’s go—“ she started, but her voice trailed off when she spotted the screen. Winn could feel her muscles tense next to him. “Oh my God. Please don’t tell me that’s Mon-El’s pod.”

_I wish I could._

“I… I don’t know what happened,” Winn tried to explain, pushing himself off of the table. “We were… Eliza and I were testing the latest serum, and then—and then suddenly my tablet gave off an alarm. I’d… I’d programmed it to alert me if there was a change in Mon-El’s pod. And I…” He couldn’t continue as a knot formed in his throat. He ran his fingers through his hair, he tried to keep himself together but…but this was his _best friend._ This was _Mon-El._ How could anyone expect him to _hold it together_? “The signal is gone, Alex. And… And that could only mean one thing, because if he’d landed and shut the pod off I would’ve known that he shut the pod, but… But this means that…”

“Something happened to it,” Alex finished Winn’s sentence when she realized he could barely speak. “And you think he’s…”

“Unless he…he can survive in space, I don’t think… There’s no way he could’ve made it.” He pressed his hand on his forehead and shut his eyes to compose himself before glancing at Alex. She seemed to be holding it together better than he was, yet he could still see shock splashed on her face. She could only turn to Winn a couple of seconds later.

“We are _not_ telling this to Kara,” she ordered, her eyes burning with determination. “She can’t know what happened, do you understand me? If you breathe a word of this to her—“

“You won’t tell me what?” Winn was just getting ready to nod at Alex when Kara’s voice interrupted them both. Alex spun around to face her sister, who had seemingly just appeared behind them, her arms crossed over her chest and her brows raised. She looked between Winn and Alex, waiting for them to talk for a couple of seconds, and then continued when she realized they wouldn’t say anything. “Guys?” she demanded, straightening up her shoulders in her Supergirl suit. “What are you not gonna tell me?”

“We…” Winn started, trying to come up with an excuse—with _anything_ —to tell Kara, yet before he could even get a word out the Kryptonian turned to the computer screen. She froze when she saw what was on there. When she read the writing on the top left corner, _Mon-El’s pod,_ and what the warning said in the middle of the screen: _No signal detected._

Her eyes flickered to Winn briefly before she stepped forward, yet even that short gaze was enough for him to see what was in it: disbelief. He felt something squeeze his heart, and opened his mouth to say something to Kara, yet he was out of words. There really wasn’t anything he could say right now to make the situation better.

“Is that Mon-El’s pod?” Kara asked, pointing at the screen. Neither Winn nor Alex could say anything, though Winn was sure the Kryptonian heard him gulp when she turned to him. “Winn, is that Mon-El’s pod? Is the signal from his pod…” She couldn’t finish her sentence, yet she didn’t really need to for Winn to understand. The IT specialist could feel Alex’s eyes on her, almost ordering him not to say anything, yet when he turned to Kara… When he saw the worry, and fear, and…and love in them… He couldn’t not tell it. Kara deserved to know. No matter how much it hurt, she deserved to know that Mon-El, her boyfriend, the person he loved was…was gone. She deserved to mourn him properly instead of holding onto hope that they might find a cure someday and he might come back.

“Yes,” he found himself whispering. “Yes, the signal is gone. The pod is gone.” The whole room fell silent with his words—at least that was what it felt like to _him_ even though the DEO agents around were talking, rushing around, going on with their lives. But he realized it wasn’t just him that felt like the world stopped; Kara was feeling the same way. Her gaze was on Winn, her muscles frozen except her head as she shook it almost fervently.

“No,” she whispered, a strangled laugh leaving her lips. “No, that can’t… That can’t be true. His pod can’t be gone.” She reached forward, grabbing Winn’s wrists a bit too forcefully, enough to hurt, and pulled him to the computer. “His pod is out there somewhere. _He_ is out there somewhere. And… And you need to find him.”

“Kara, it’s impossible—“ Winn tried to say, yet it didn’t seem like the Kryptonian was listening. She shook her head again.

“No, it’s not, you just need to try, Winn. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Kara, but I—“

“No, you can. He is—“

“I can’t, I’m—“

“He’s not gone!” Kara almost screamed, making Winn jump. She closed her eyes, trying to take a deep breath, yet the IT specialist could see how much her hands—hell, her whole body—was shaking. “He’s not gone,” she said again, more calmly this time, and turned to the computer. “Please, Winn. He can’t be gone.” Her voice was so small, so thin that Winn felt something break in his chest. He pressed his lips together, wishing with everything he had that there was something he could do about it. That there was a way to bring Mon-El back.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I… I can’t do anything. He’s… He’s _gone_.” He couldn’t help wincing with his own words.

Kara shook her head again, her hands curling into fists on her sides, before turning to him. Winn could see tears shining in her eyes as she shook her head again, and before he could do anything, before anyone could do anything she whirled around and ran away, rushing out of the DEO with superspeed. She didn’t stop even when Alex called for her, or tried to reach for her arm.

Alex looked at the spot Kara had disappeared for a couple of seconds before turning to Winn. He could see the anger shining in her eyes. “Fix this,” she ordered, almost threateningly, before she turned around and left too, presumably to follow Kara. All Winn could do, after trying to pull himself together, was turning to the computer, reading the words, the warning over and over again, wishing for it to disappear. Yet he knew it wouldn’t. He knew there was _nothing_ even _he_ could do about it. For who could fix death anyway?

* * *

Kara was glad that she’d left the window of her loft open before leaving, because she was pretty sure that, in the state she was in, she couldn’t have bothered to use the door and instead would break one of the windows to get inside. All she wanted was to get inside of her loft as soon as possible, or…or at least before she completely broke down. Before all the feelings, all the grief, loneliness, guilt, and…and pain that were swirling inside her stomach in an emotional turmoil overwhelmed her. Before the tether of hope she was holding onto for the last two weeks broke and left her falling into a deep, dark hole she was trying so desperately to get out of.

She did _not_ want to be out flying when that happened.

Tears had already started filling her eyes by the time she entered her apartment, so much so that she stumbled forward when she landed to regain her balance. She could already feel the sobs lining her throat, almost burning it from inside out, so much so that she had no idea how she was still holding on. How she was still standing when Mon-El… When he was…

She couldn’t even turn on the lights in the living room before her knees buckled and she found herself on the floor, despite desperately trying to hold onto one of the stools around the kitchen island. But of course, with her superstrength, instead of holding her up the stool broke, leaving her on the floor with pieces of metal and cushion around her. She felt the first sob escape her lips, despite her attempt to suppress it by pressing a hand on her lips, shaking her body to the core. It didn’t take long for others to follow as she wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them close, trying to hold onto something, _anything,_ as if it could help her hold _herself_ together. As if it was possible not to fall apart after what she’d learned.

Mon-El’s pod was gone. The signal was lost. And… And Kara knew it couldn’t be just because he’d shut down the pod or arrived at a planet, because _she_ was there at every step while Winn programmed the pod, and she knew they would’ve known if the pod landed somewhere. But it hadn’t. It just… It just disappeared, and there could only be one logical explanation to that. The only reason why they lost the signal.

The pod was destroyed. And… And since Mon-El was in it when that happened, since he was still floating in space… He would be… He would be destroyed with it too. He would be…

She couldn’t even think of the word as tears spilled down her cheeks. She couldn’t bother wiping them away and instead let them wet her cheeks, her chin, her neck; she let them fall onto her lap or hands or suit, she let the lines they traced burn her skin. Because she deserved it. She deserved every bit of pain, every bit of guilt, and shame, and grief she was feeling. It was her fault. What happened to him… It was _her fault_. She’d caused all of it. She was the one that released the lead into the atmosphere. She was the one that offered to send him away into space in a _pod_ —a small pod with barely anything inside—so that he could survive. And because of that… Because of her choices he was now…

She knew she should’ve made a back-up plan, in case… In case she did have to use the lead device. She should’ve made a plan to get Mon-El out of earth, a better one than sending him off in a pod. And surely, ideas came to her mind after the deed was done, after everything calmed down. They could’ve sent her to Earth-1, to team Flash or Arrow, which didn’t have an atmosphere laced with lead. He could live there, with at least people that he knew, instead of being alone somewhere far, far away, and he could’ve come back to her when they found a cure. Or if that didn’t work, if they couldn’t come up with a cure or a plan immediately, he could wear a freaking space suit that would protect him from lead at least until they found something to help him. They could’ve done many other and smarter things than what they’ve done that wouldn’t end with…with…

_With his death,_ her mind supplied, as if she needed that piece of information. She shut her eyes painfully, trying to shut out that thought, trying to deny it, yet she knew… She knew its truth. She knew, deep inside, what happened to Mon-El, and she knew there was _nothing_ she could do to change it. She was Supergirl. She was the Girl of Steel. She had invincible skin, super strength, heat vision and freeze breath. She could catch bullets and fly and walk through fire without getting hurt. Yet… Yet what did any of that mean if she couldn’t even save the people closest to her? If she couldn’t protect the people she loved, if she couldn’t help them, if she…if she couldn’t stop them from dying?

The worst part wasn’t even that, though. She hadn’t just failed to save Mon-El from dying, she inadvertently caused his death when she released the lead and sent him off in a pod. If she’d just made a better plan… If she didn’t act so cocky and rely on the fact that she would never have to use the lead device, but actually come up with something to ensure Mon-El’s safety… He would’ve been alive. He would’ve been alive and safe.

It was her fault. His death was _her fault_.

Kara didn’t know how long she’d been crying when she heard someone opening her door, yet it had been long enough that her throat was burning, and enough tears had fallen down her cheeks to create a small puddle. She didn’t even know it was possible to cry so much, or how her body hadn’t given up yet. How she hadn’t fallen too weak to cry. Yet whether because of her alien body or yellow sun, her tears still hadn’t dried, and there were still sobs lining her throat.

She didn’t need to look up to see who came through the door—she doubted she had the strength to lift her head from her knees anyway. Alex. Kara heard her walk towards her and kneel in front of her, and assumed she must’ve put her hands over the Kryptonian’s shoulders even though she couldn’t feel it, because in a matter of seconds she was pulled into someone’s embrace, her face buried on her sister’s shoulders.

“Hey, Kara,” Alex whispered, rubbing Kara’s back, “I’m here. Shh. I’m here. It’s okay.” Kara wanted to deny it. She wanted to tell Alex that no, it wasn’t okay. Mon-El was gone. Mon-El was gone. How could she be okay, how could anything be okay? Yet she couldn’t voice any of those words. She couldn’t find her voice to say anything. All she could do was hug her sister back, trying not to use too much strength and crushing her ribs, wishing…wishing that it had been Mon-El. Wishing he was with her so that…so that she could hug him as tightly as she wanted to, so that he could comfort her, so that he was _alive_. She wanted him to be alive so badly, even if she could never see him again. She could’ve lived with herself as long as he was out there somewhere, alive and safe. She could’ve dealt with his loss as long as she knew he was alive. But now… But now she couldn’t deal with it, she didn’t want to deal with it now that…

Now that he was dead. He was gone. Forever. And it was her doing. So what was the point of trying to move on? What was the point of trying to keep going? He was already gone. What was the point of pretending like she was okay, like everything was okay anymore?

She knew the answer of it, she could feel it deep in her bones, and…and it was enough to chill her blood. Yet that didn’t change its truth. That didn’t change anything.

_There was no point._


	2. signal detected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!
> 
> I am so, so, SO glad that I finished and can post this today - well, almost today, since it's about 30 past midnight here, but whatever. You know what I mean.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this!
> 
> P.s. 1: Again, this was requested by @thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain, and of course I went ahead and wrote a two-part fanfic over a really short prompt. Haha. But still, I really enjoyed writing this, so thank you sweetie! I LOVE YOU :)
> 
> P.s. 2: Also, the last scene of this fanfic was loosely - like, very loosely - inspired by this post by @myfangirlinghq:  
> http://myfangirlinghq.tumblr.com/post/161364668909/karamel-imagine-this . I know it ended up being really different in the end, but the idea kept circling in my head, so I decided to adapt it to this story. Still, I hope I made it justice, because it had truly brought tears in my eyes when I first read the post. :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**6 months later**

Winn stared at the computer in front of him as he rested his cheek on his fist, his other hand on the table, his fingers tapping on it absentmindedly. Even though it was barely 1 p.m., it was an exceptionally quiet day at the DEO; he’d managed to finish everything he had to do about twenty minutes ago, and without any threats showing up, there was nothing he could do other than staring at the screen in front of him. Watching the map of National City, waiting for…for something to show up. Something that could require the interference of DEO, Guardian or Supergirl.

Anything to distract him from the boredom.

He couldn’t help remembering, yet again, what it had been like when Mon-El was around. The Daxamite always found something to busy himself with, whether it was a new TV show that he watched using Winn’s Netlix, or a new book he was reading—Winn had found a hoard of Shakespeare books in his room after he left, which had almost brought tears to his eyes—he _never_ sat around doing nothing. That was something Winn had envied about Mon-El—how he was never bored. Moreover, he also made sure nobody around him was bored, even if that included asking ridiculous questions about earthly customs to people. To _Winn._

He missed even that.

Closing his eyes he shook off those thoughts, not wanting to feel even worse than he already did. He was just getting ready to push himself to his feet to grab a coffee—preferably before he fell asleep—when an alert coming from his computer distracted him. He jumped, immediately slipping away from his sleepiness and embracing the distraction. Only God knew how much he needed that.

He straightened up, pulling his chair closer to the table as his fingers found their way to the keyboard. He punched in a few codes with his eyes glued to the screen to find out where the alert came from.

What he found, though… It was certainly not what he expected. He didn’t even know that the program was still running; he hadn’t checked it for…for about six months now. He never thought that it could…that it could detect a signal, not just…not just _a_ signal but…the signal of _his_ pod.

Mon-El’s pod.

Winn blinked as his fingers froze on the keys. _No._ That was impossible. There was no way that the computer could detect the signal. Not that it was anything wrong with it, but the pod… It’d been destroyed. The pod had been _destroyed_ , six months ago, when they lost its signal. It was _gone._ It couldn’t just reappear out of nothing six months later. It couldn’t…

“No,” Winn whispered, his fingers flying over the keyboard again as he tried to stop them from shaking. It took him three or four tries to get the programming right as he tried to recalibrate the signal. It must be wrong. That was the only explanation. Maybe… Maybe the program was catching a signal from something else, something that was—that gave off a similar signal to Mon-El’s pod. And that signal was what the program was detecting. Granted, Winn had absolutely no idea what could be similar to a Kryptonian pod, but…but that was far more likely than…than this being Mon-El’s actual pod. Wasn’t it what was said in science? To accept the simplest explanation for something as the truth? Surely, for Mon-El’s pod to reappear out of nothing was far less likely than all the other alternatives.

He stared at the screen for a couple of seconds, watching the green _“Signal detected.”_ sign flicker and show the location of the pod, before pressing the last button to rescan for the signal. He’d made the calibrations more specific this time so the computer would only respond to a signal from Mon-El’s pod, nothing else. In theory, it should eliminate any wrong detection caused by similarities. It should show that it wasn’t Mon-El’s pod indeed and it was something else.

Winn shut up the small voice in his mind that insisted, despite every bit of logic, the signal might’ve been right. That Mon-El’s pod was really out there somewhere, and…and he was only catching the signal now.

_It’s impossible._

He bit his bottom lip, drumming his fingers right next to the keyboard, as he waited for the scanning to be completed. The ping came a couple of seconds later.

_Signal detected._

Winn felt himself freeze in front of the computer as he stared at the green light on the screen, and watched the program pinpoint the location of the pod—somewhere right outside earth. He couldn’t feel anything as he watched a couple of coordinates popped up. His mind went back to six months ago when he stood in front of this same computer, again frozen, again not wanting to believe what he was seeing. Well, not exactly that, though. Sure, he didn’t want to believe his eyes six months ago, but now… But now he wanted to believe it too badly. He wanted to believe that it was true. That Mon-El, his best friend, Kara’s mate, was out there somewhere, _alive_. And this time his brain kept telling him that it was impossible not because he didn’t want to believe he lost his best friend, but because he was too scared to believe there was a chance Mon-El was alive, only for it to be proven wrong. Only to lose him all over again. Winn knew he couldn’t take it; that was something he never wanted to go through again.

Yet there it was. There was the pod. A couple of miles away from earth’s atmosphere…making its way there. Making its way to earth. The signal detected was from Mon-El’s pod and only that.

Winn didn’t even feel himself jump to his feet, pushing the chair back, as his thoughts caught up with him. Mon-El’s pod was intact. It was out there. And it was approaching earth.

He scrambled to find his phone on the table, having to slam his hand against it a couple of times to locate it since he did not want to turn his eyes away from the computer—he was afraid the screen would disappear and it would all turn out to be a dream too good to be true if he looked away.

He did _not_ want it to be a dream.

His fingers were shaking too badly when he finally managed to take his phone in his hand that it took him a couple of moments to call Alex. His teeth were clenched and his empty hand was fisted as he waited for her to answer, still watching the screen, watching Mon-El’s pod enter earth. Alex answered at the third ring.

“This is Agent Danvers,” she said, her voice sounding strained and tired. Winn winced when he remembered that she’d spent the night with Kara—the Kryptonian had another break down and Alex had to go there and calm her down, getting her to sleep. It happened every now and then now, when all the weight and pain of Mon-El’s loss caught up with her. Winn had only witnessed it once in the DEO, when she threw a huge crate to the wall of the training room, creating a huge hole into it, and it wasn’t pretty. It was never pretty to see her in such…such pain and grief, guilt and shame.

Winn had no idea how Alex handled it every single time.

“Alex,” he said finally as he managed to slip away from his thoughts, his voice shaking. “I’m… I’m going to tell you something, and it is gonna sound crazy, but I need you to… I need you to trust me in this, okay? I’m not making things up or hallucinating.” _Hopefully_.

“Winn?” Alex voice had gone from exhausted to serious in a matter of seconds when she heard the worry in Winn’s tone. “Is everything okay?”

“I…” Winn started, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. “Honestly, I have no idea,” he admitted. “But I… I think I just relocated Mon-El’s pod.”

* * *

Winn was clutching the tablet in his hand way too tightly as he stared at the sky that he was worried it would snap in half. Yet he couldn’t help it, not when…not when this was Mon-El in question. Not when, according to the coordinates, his pod would appear above them in no more than half a minute. Not when he could be getting his best friend back…or else experiencing his loss all over again.

He told himself, even as everyone in the DEO prepared their weapons to move to the location he said, that this could all be a trick. Over and over again he tried to convince himself there was a good chance Mon-El wasn’t back. Yet repeating it wasn’t the same as believing it, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t squash the hope building in his chest. Because… Because what if it _was_ Mon-El? What if there was a chance that he survived, and now he was coming back?

He gulped as he tried to get rid of those thoughts all over again, knowing it would only hurt more to hope and then be wrong about it, yet his eyes still searched the sky for a Kryptonian pod, never turning to the group of DEO agents around him with guns in hand.

He really hoped they wouldn’t have to use them.

His eyes caught a small dot appearing in the sky sooner than he expected. He felt his muscles tense as he straightened up. From the way the other agents raised their guns, pointing at the thing that was way too far away for them to shoot, he knew they saw that too. _Well, at least I know I’m not hallucinating._

The thing came closer and closer with each second, taking form from a grey blur to what seemed like a sphere, and then an oval shape with wings behind it, and…

Winn felt air getting hitched in his throat as he finally recognized the familiar shape. It was… It was really what he thought it was. It was a pod. Not just a pod but a…but a Kryptonian pod. It was the exact same pod that they sent Mon-El off of earth with. _It was the same pod._

He couldn’t do anything other than staring at it as it descended on them. It lowered onto the ground right in front of them, with guns still pointed at it, until it took a landing position and stopped. The wings curled behind it as the pod stopped. Winn was pretty sure he wasn’t even breathing—that no one was breathing—as they heard the door click open. He saw, from the corner of his eyes, Alex stepping forward with her gun raised, yet even _her_ arms were shaking. Even _she_ wasn’t as professional as she should be. But this was Mon-El. _This was Mon-El._ How could he expect her to be professional anyway?

The door of the pod lifted up in a couple of seconds, yet it felt much longer than that to Winn. He couldn’t help getting closer too as his eyes searched the inside of it, almost afraid of what he would see. Afraid it wouldn’t be what he wanted it to be.

At least until his eyes met with the gaze of the person inside.

Until he saw the familiar face.

Until he watched him stand up and step outside the pod, with the whole world silent around them, and look around the empty valley, a smile spreading on his lips. A smile that Winn had gotten so used to see. A carefree smile that he missed _so much._

“I know it’d been a couple of months since I left,” Mon-El said as he crossed his arms over his chest, over the familiar black DEO attire, “but is that any way to welcome back a friend?”

_It was his voice._

Winn felt his locked muscles loosen the moment he heard Mon-El talk, and in a matter of moment he was almost running among the DEO agents to the spot the Daxamite was standing on. His tablet was forgotten somewhere on the grass—and it would’ve normally worry him like hell—yet he didn’t care. _He couldn’t care_.

Mon-El’s smile widened on his face when he saw his best friend. He opened his mouth, presumably to say hi, yet before he could do that Winn pulled him into a hug. Hearing Mon-El laugh was so relieving that Winn felt his knees go weak for a second.

“See, _that_ is a proper greeting,” Mon-El said as his arms went around his friend too. He patted Winn on the back lightly, a smile on his lips. “I missed you too, buddy.”

“You’re here,” Winn couldn’t help whispering before he pulled back, fear gnawing at his mind. “Wait, you _are_ here, right?” He patted Mon-El’s arms to make sure. “You’re not like a…a hallucination, or an evil twin, right?” Mon-El chuckled at that.

“No, don’t worry. It’s just me. Though it might be nice to have an evil twin. People seem to think evil looks hot—at least on TV shows.” Winn’s eyes almost filled with tears at that, when he truly realized that…that this was Mon-El. This was _him_. A tearful smile spread on his lips as he nodded at that.

“Yeah, I think we’re fine with having just you,” he joked, at least before he knitted his brows. “But… But how?” he couldn’t help asking. “We lost the signal of your pod six months ago, and…and the lead! It should be—“

“Winn,” Mon-El stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m fine. I’ll explain everything, okay?” Winn’s eyes searched him for a sign of lead poisoning, and surely, he did seem fine. He even seemed like he built up some muscle; his shoulders were broader and the shirt seemed a bit tighter around his chest. “But first…” he continued, taking Winn out of his thoughts. His eyes seemed shining with such hope, such love that Winn knew what he would talk about even before he said a word. “I want to see Kara,” he said almost breathlessly. Winn’s smile slipped off his face as he glanced at his side, his gaze meeting with Alex’s. Mon-El looked at her too, and worry filled his eyes when he saw the strained expression on the agent’s face. Winn felt his grip tighten on his shoulder. “Where is… Where is she? She’s okay, right?”

There was no mistaking the fear in his voice, the fear of…of losing his love all over again. Winn gulped, not knowing what to say. Fortunately Alex was faster.

“She’s fine…physically,” she said, her voice strained. Mon-El frowned at that, confusion filling his eyes. “But the rest…” She took a deep breath before she continued. “You need to decide for yourself.” A forced smile found its way on her lips. “I’m glad you’re back home, Mon-El.”

The Daxamite nodded at that, yet his eyes seemed distant as he stared at the grass. Distant and…and scared, at least until he looked up, determination filling them. He turned to Alex.

“Take me to Kara.”

* * *

Mon-El fidgeted with his fingers that were tucked into the pockets of his jacket, nervously looking at Kara’s door. He’d already knocked on the door a couple of seconds ago, and he knew “a couple of seconds” wasn’t really enough time for someone to answer the door, yet still he couldn’t help getting worried. Alex had… She’d told him how Kara had really been in the last few months, and even _thinking_ about all of those was enough to make him sick. He understood now what she meant when she said Kara was only physically fine.

And he wished he hadn’t.

Kara hadn’t been okay. Not even _close_. According to Alex, her whole life had become being about CatCo, DEO, and Supergirl. She stayed at CatCo as late as she could, which probably meant she was there till about six p.m., and she went there the moment she woke up, even if it was only seven a.m. And if she wasn’t at CatCo, she was at the DEO, or out there in her Supergirl suit, saving people. She rarely did anything to enjoy herself. She didn’t read, didn’t watch any TV, didn’t cook, didn’t even go out for walks. Well, at least she was like that most days. But there were days…

There were days she couldn’t do _any of those._ They were the worst, Alex told him. When she couldn’t even get herself out of the bed because it _hurt too damn much,_ because she’d fallen so tired from sobbing all night. When she spent the whole day under a blanket, wrapped in one of his plaid shirts, reading Romeo & Juliet and Harry Potter. There were constant tears sliding down her cheeks that day, so much so that the books had lost their shapes because of the wet pages. And then there were days she couldn’t even do that, she couldn’t do anything other than crying until her voice was hoarse, until she couldn’t see anything, until she felt too tired from crying—which took some time with the yellow sun and all.

He couldn’t help wincing at those thoughts as he straightened up his shoulders and knocked again. He knew Kara was inside. Alex had said that Kara had “one of those days” yesterday, and whenever that happened she spent the next day at home. He gulped, trying to get rid of the knot in his throat, at least until he heard Kara’s voice.

“I want to be alone, Alex,” she yelled— _tried_ to, at least. Her voice was so hoarse and tear-strained that it cracked Mon-El’s heart. “I told you.” The Daxamite took a deep breath at that as he forced a smile, looking at the door and pressing his hand over it.

“I know,” he said, but his voice came out too low at first. He cleared his throat before he continued. “I know, but I thought you could make an exception for me. It’s been six months since I last saw you, and I… I missed you, Kara.” He took a deep breath. “I _missed_ you.” He leaned forward, resting his forehead against the door, trying to listen to the sounds coming from inside Kara’s apartment. At first there was nothing, but then he heard shuffling, as if Kara stood up. His heart stuttered as he lifted his head hopefully. He was pretty sure Kara was looking at him with her X-ray vision.

“You’re not real,” he heard her say—whisper, really—with his superhearing. “You can’t be real. You’re _gone_.”

Mon-El wondered if she could hear his heart crack at that. He closed his eyes and gulped. “I’m not gone,” he promised. “Kara, I promise I’m not. I’m… I’m here. It’s me.” Kara didn’t say anything for a while at that, yet Mon-El heard her take a step forward towards the door.

“No. No, this isn’t… You’re lying. You’re not here. I’m… I must be dreaming. Or…Or hallucinating. You’re not _real_.” Her voice cracked with pain at the last word, as if she wanted to believe he was there, she wanted to believe that she got him back, yet she was too scared. Too scared to believe he was back, and then realize it was just another dream. Going through his loss all over again. And he knew, from his experiences, how difficult that could be. Whenever he dreamed of him and Kara being together, waking up was too damn hard. It was like he was losing her again, even though it wasn’t the case.

“Look,” he whispered, trying to gather up his thoughts, “I know this is hard to believe. Winn… He told me what happened with my pod. I know that you thought I was…dead. But Kara, I promise you, I’m not. Okay? I’ll explain everything. I’ll explain how I’m here. Just… Just please, trust me. Let me in. Please.” _I want to see you. Please._

Kara didn’t say anything for a long while, so much so that Mon-El couldn’t help continuing. He swallowed hard as the first words left his lips. “Do you… Do you remember our first kiss?” he asked, a tearful smile on his face. “I was dying of the Medusa virus, and…and you were there, leaning over me, with those…those beautiful eyes of yours. So, so blue. Like comets. So beautiful. And…I’d even told you that. I’d told you how beautiful you were, even when you were crying, and I…I wanted to kiss you, because I couldn’t imagine dying without feeling your lips, even if it was only once. It would be okay as long as I got to do that once.” He stopped to compose himself before he continued. “But of course I messed all of it up when I hid that from you. But I was scared of losing you—I cared about you way too much for that—and I couldn’t take the risk of you leaving me because I’d so stupidly kissed you.” He couldn’t help laughing at his words before he squared his shoulders, his gaze searching the door, wondering where her face was.

“And then… And then there was our second kiss. Right after you defeated Mxy, after I, again, stupidly went after him. I think it was the first time I realized that my feelings for you were much different than anything I’ve ever felt. They were… They were my kryptonite. My weakness, but I… I didn’t care that they were. I liked that I felt these…these strong feelings for you. Even though I thought I ruined everything. At least until…until you told me that I didn’t, and there was nothing stopping us. I’d never felt happier in my life than I did that night.” _That was the first time I tasted true happiness,_ he thought, even though the words didn’t leave his mouth. He tried to gather up his courage before he continued.

“Or… Or my first I love you? Do you remember that? I feel like… Looking at it now, I think I may have a trend of confessing things after messing things up.” He felt himself laugh at that, but it sounded a lot like a hiccup because of his tears. “I’d told you how I was spoiled and…and useless before I met you. How I loved being a hero because that meant…that meant that I got to be with you. Granted, that’s probably not a very good reason to be a hero, but…but you inspired me to be one, and I loved that. And I said that…that I loved your honesty. How you’re honest…to a fault. And how you fight for the people that you love. And how… How I loved you.” His voice quivered at the last sentence as a tear slipped down his cheeks. His eyes closed briefly as he curled his hand on the door into a fist to keep himself together. He could continue only a couple of seconds later. “I’d told you that I loved you, with everything that I had.” He pressed his lips together, not bothering to wipe away another tear that escaped his eyes.

“I still love you, Kara. And that’s why I know how hard it must’ve been for you to think that…that I died. Because even knowing that you were alive, those six months that I spent away from you… They almost killed me. I’d missed you. Every single day, I’d missed you.” He waited for a couple of seconds for her to do something, yet when he couldn’t hear anything he reached for his neck, unclasping the necklace that had been there for six months now. He lifted it up in the air. “And you were right. About this…keeping me safe. Maybe not from physical threats but…but from loneliness, and pain, and grief. It kept me safe from them.” He forced a smile. “Thinking about you kept me safe from them.” He inhaled deeply, trying to get rid of the shakiness in his voice. It didn’t work. “But please, Kara, open the door. Please. I want to… I want to see you too. I know you can see me now, but I want to see you. _Please_.” He leaned forward, putting his forehead against the door again, as he waited, praying to Rao, God, universe, whatever being was up there for her to open the door. To see her again. To be able to hug her, inhale her scent that he’d missed almost too much, to feel her arms around him, to kiss her…

He jerked when he heard the lock being turned, and he pulled back, his heart rate doubling almost instantly—he didn’t think that was possible considering how fast it was already beating. The door opened slowly in front of him, almost fearfully, until it revealed a very disheveled, very tired Kara. Mon-El felt air leaving his lungs when his gaze met with hers.

 _So Alex truly wasn’t exaggerating when she said Kara was a mess._ Exhaustion was dripping from the Kryptonian’s face as she looked at him with wide eyes. Eyes that were red and puffy because of all her crying. Mon-El could also see purple circles under them, indicating sleeplessness. Her hair… It was tied in what seemed like pigtail buns, yet they were so messy with knotted strands that it was hard to guess what style it really was. The strands were all over her forehead, her cheeks, her shoulders, and their shade seemed duller too, as if they lost their color. Her cheeks were collapsed and thinner than Mon-El remembered, with dried tears on them. Well, she was generally thinner, with arms shaking under her oversized sweater. He couldn’t help noticing that it was one of his.

“Mon-El?” she croaked finally, taking him out of his thoughts. His eyes turned to hers as he felt something squeeze his heart to see her…this beautiful, strong woman…reduced to _this_. Not that he thought she was ugly or weak, but he _hated_ to see that she didn’t have the light in her that she always used to have. He _hated_ to be the one doing that to her.

He managed to force a smile as his gaze searched her face. “Hi,” he could only whisper, his voice seemingly lost. Tears welled up in her eyes at that little word as she covered her mouth briefly…before she lunged on him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close, gripping him so tightly that Mon-El felt like he couldn’t breathe for a second. She wasn’t holding back her strength. Not at all. She was giving all of herself into that hug, as if she was afraid that if she loosened her arms for even a second he would slip away.

Not that he minded. Not that he was any different.

Mon-El closed his eyes as he buried his face to the crook of Kara’s neck, his arms circling her waist and holding her as tightly as she was holding him. He guided her head, with a shaky hand, down, so that she could rest her chin on his shoulder. He could feel her body shaking under his embrace. Or else _he_ was shaking. Or they both were, which was probably the case. He heard Kara sob silently, her chest trembling, as her hand traveled on Mon-El’s back.

“You’re here,” she whispered between her tears. Mon-El nodded, trying to blink his tears away even though he knew it was impossible. Kara was in her arms. She was in his arms, _finally._ He could feel her skin under his, he could hear her voice, smell her scent… It was her. He finally had her back after spending six months without her. _He had her back._

“I am,” he whispered to reassure Kara, rubbing her back. “I’m here. I’m with you. I’m here.” He repeated those words until Kara’s sobs calmed, until she stopped shaking, and finally she pulled back, new tear tracks on her face. She lifted her hands to take Mon-El’s face in them, searching his eyes, as if trying make sure that this was truly real. New tears formed in her eyes, making Mon-El’s heart shatter into small pieces once again.

“Ho-How? Your pod…” she managed to whisper finally, not letting him go, not even for one second. She hadn’t even noticed her front door was still open. Mon-El lightly lifted her off of her feet to pull her into the house and closed the door with his foot before he answered.

“I was… I was pulled into a portal,” he tried to explain, hoping it wouldn’t sound too confusing. Alex had gaped at him for at least a minute after he told her. “That was why you lost the signal. I was… I was pulled to 31st century by a group of superheroes. They… They asked me not to talk about them much to keep their timeline intact, but… But they helped me get a cure for my lead poisoning. In exchange for me helping them, they gave me the cure, and then sent me back to my timeline. I’m sorry… I’m sorry it took me six months to do that.” He held his breath, expecting Kara to be surprised or bombard him with questions like Winn had, yet all she did was stare at him. Into his eyes. No doubt in her eyes, no confusion, no wonder. Just… Just relief, and love, and pain. She just stared at him without saying anything for a couple of seconds, at least until she closed her eyes and leaned close, resting her forehead against his.

“I don’t care,” she whispered finally. “I don’t care how. I just… I just want to have you back. I just want to be with you. Please,” she pleaded. Pain twisted Mon-El’s gut at the brokenness of her words, at the honesty behind them. She, Supergirl, the person who’d always been so curious about everything, didn’t care about a team of superheroes from 31st century, and cared only about the fact that she had him back. He forced a smile through his tears as he shut his eyes and stroked her hair.

“I’m with you,” he promised her. “I won’t leave you again. Ever. I promise.” He pulled back to look at her eyes, to make sure that she knew he was telling the truth. No one, not even the most powerful being in the _multi_ verse, could tear him from Kara’s side again.

Kara searched her face for a second before she nodded, stroking his cheek and reaching up to press her lips on his. Warmth spread throughout Mon-El’s body the moment he felt the kiss, and he felt his eyes flutter close as he let himself get lost in the sensation, the…the feelings that were coursing through his veins. It’d been so long—too long—since he’d felt anything this…this intense, this _much_ , and he savored it, every moment of it. He savored having Kara back as he kissed her too. And he was sure Kara was doing the same thing from the way she was hugging him, the way she moved her hands over his arms, his back, his chest, the way she closed even the smallest distance between them as if it hurt her physically to not be as close to him as possible. That was when he truly realized that she’d missed him as fiercely as he’d missed her, that she…she loved him as fiercely as he loved her. It almost brought tears to his eyes. _Almost_. But instead of that he let himself get lost in Kara, he let the kiss erase all the painful memories of the last six months, and he hoped that he could do the same for Kara. Even though it was impossible he hoped he could make her forget everything she’d been through.

He hoped that the future that now laid down in front of them, a future that was once taken unfairly now given back, could make up for every bit of pain they’d both been through. And he would work every day to make sure that was the case.


End file.
